Long weekend for alot of people...hoped they used it wisely and had some fun doing whatever makes them happy.

So I think I have way too much time on my hands. Working some very unusual hours has resulted in that. I've come to realise that I am remarkably efficient at suggesting ways that people can fix their relationship issues and surprazz surprazz it actually works. Seems I am also not so bad at comforting them when they are feeling somewhat low. The weird thing is I can't work these lil tricks on myself. My way of dealing with any sort of male related issue is to just...leave it alone. As in don't talk it out or try to figure out why things are the way they are...just leave it out. Now ain't that something else? Same thing with negative feelings. Just ignore them and shove them aside. One of these blessed days I am going to pop.

In about 6 months I am going to be 21 years old. 21....and still my Father sees me as a child. it's not so much that I act like one...tho I know some ppl may disagree but then again what do they really know about me? Appearances are never what they seem. but 21...and still a prisoner in ur own damn home...

I dunno where this depression even came from.....cus I just came back from a fantastic day at this tournament. It's hardly anyone's idea of fun..but I realise I have the best fun when I am with people who can just sit down and create their own fun with the endless nonsense that they talk. and frankly I love that. I like getting up and leaving home knowing that I am soon going to be with people who don't care that I go online at ungodly hours in the morning or that I am not working a regular job with regular hours like everyone else. I like the peace I have when I am out. where I can just laugh and be happy and not have to feel him shooting daggers into the back of my head with his eyes.

I hate that after a fun time out I have to go home to questions and why are u home at this time...of all the people I know I am home the freakin earliest.....I understand the whole concept of living by ur rules..under ur roof....been doing it for years....when the hell am i going to just be able to be happy and not constantly have to hear..."we need to talk."

I can't do anything rite?? I do not know what else it is I can do to get you to leave me alone.I am home..something to talk about...I am out..I hear it when I get home.....this has got to end.