WELL....I just wrote a really nice longish blog about life etc. and then Explorer decided to up and crash.

Well I never in all my born days....

AS I WAS SAYING...i have been reading alot about the Rapture and the Tribulation period that follows it. I got these books of the Logos II entitled Left Behind and Apolloyon. They Christian fiction based on biblical prophecy that tells of the time when Jesus comes for his saints and basically takes em away while all non believers are ... u guessed it ...left behind. So the time following that event is to be known as the Tribulation period and according to Revelations all sorts of horrible things are going to take place and life during that time is going to be 100 times worse than how we think our lives are now. It's sad depressing stuff but of course their is a way to avoid all of it. Now you'd think that all Christians including myself who know this stuff would be super fantastic at what they're supposed to do u know? But we're not. I mean we know what's right and still we're not doing it. Is it THAT hard to do what is right in God's sight? What is it about things of the world that make ppl hunger after them so much? I mean sure they might feel good in the moment but then after that ...well for me at least...there comes the guilt and I feel more lost and more worthless than before.

I just truly wish that I could be a better Christian and just DO what I know i am s'posed to. I am praying hard on it...I really want this to happen for me. My mum keeps telling me Mel time is running out get right with God. Put aside all those things they only last for awhile. Just through urself into church and get rite with Him. and she has a more than a point. I have wasted too much time already.

And I don't want that this week I am saying well hey I wanna be a good Christian ....actually no...a TRUE Christian and then next week my resolve fail and I am back in the same place. Only I am accountable for my actions and I want to make sure I stay on the path God has for me.

I just don't want to be one who is left behind.....the fear is enuff to make anyone want to change their lives....dunno if that is a good thing or a bad things...but i guess sometimes we need a good scare to push us into what we KNOW we have to do and are wasting time in doing so....

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Besides my spiritual life ...lol...life in the natural is not looking so bad. Work is still coming in but I am looking for a more time c onsumming job that will get me outta the house more even tho I make more money sitting a few hours a week than I would working 40 hours....that isn;t boasting it's irony. It might sound like a dream job to some but I do get bored being at home so much. I am grateful that I even have that job and I would love to continue doing it on the side but I need a more fulfilling job rite now. And since I am not going anywhere this year that is going to become a necessity. Have to pray on that as well. My aunt finagled some sorta job at the Advocate for me but I am wary about it...if there's one thing I don't want it's her getting a job for me....you know those ppl who do one thing for and then never let you forget it and act like you owe them your life cus of it?...yeah that's one of those situations. *shrugs* dunno what I am gonna do as yet. Just keep looking is the order of the day it seems. But I pray I find something soon.

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It is always important to know when to draw the line..and never let ppl make decisions for you. I am learning that more and more each day and it's becoming easier to say ...well no let's do this instead. I figure it shows strength of character. lol funny eh?

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oh and just for Sophie...YES I do!! :P