Single in Barbados

It's been an incredibly long time since I posted anything here...surprised myself when the blog actually came up. It LIVES! :)

As I sit here on April 6th, Good Friday 2012, I wonder to myself what in my life has changed...and what hasn't.

Sometimes I feel like a myriad of things have changed. I certainly work harder than I ever used to. I have a lot more interests. I've gained and lost friends - the lost ones always perplexed me because back then I could never have imagined life without them. But here I am, living with life without them and vice versa. So clearly the world does NOT end.

One thing that hasn't changed is my dumb luck with romantic relationships. I seem to have a knack for ending up in relationships with men who are content to let the woman do and be everything while they just...chill.

Just the other day...some guy I barely know suggested I come pick him up and we go to the movies. Now I am all for being a strong, independent woman. I live on my own, I pay my own bills, I buy my own groceries, I drive and maintain my car, I travel on my own dime...you get the idea. I am not saying that to boast...because to me it's no achievement. That's life. I expect that at this age that this is exactly what I should be doing. Taking care of myself. I have no issue with doing that. Relying on myself to do everything isn't always easy but at least I know I will get it done.

I do have issues with gender roles though. I believe a guy should pick up the girl on the first date. ESPECIALLY if you're the one suggesting we go out.

Do you know why he asked me to pick him up? Because he loaned his mother the car. Ok fine...that's cool. Now this was last week...does Mum still have the car? Nope. So then why haven't you offered to come pick ME up? Maybe I am asking for too much.

No...I don't think so.

This seems to be the general MO of men these days. See how much you can get out of her before she gets anything out of you. Perhaps this is payback for all the years women did this to men. Perhaps this is the punishment for being an "independent" female.

Well all I really am is a girl who could really use a guy who:

Has a job/career

Saves his money

Is kind and respectful to his mother (NOT a Momma's boy)

Is ambitious

Is respectful in general

Does not take advantage of my apparently too good nature by reciprocating or (shockingly) initiating

Is handsome (this matters ok? I don't want to wake up to an ugly mug for the rest of my life. I'm not saying I'm gorgeous to look at it but I am relatively good looking and so far I have had no complaints!)

And for the love of all things holy...from what I can tell...this type of man does NOT exist.

Well they exist but they're already married or in an otherwise committed relationship.

I'm 28 years old and disappointingly single. I've achieved a few things in life and I am very proud of them. But somehow...we are taught that we are never complete in this world until we find a mate. For a number of years this never bothered me. I went years without a guy showing any interest in me and it never phased me.

But now I'm older...and the only guys who seem to have an interest in me are the ones who want someone to take care of them while they just...do nothing. Because I guess I look like their mothers? Who knows.

Generally - the last set of single men out there seem to be a pretty lazy, overly entitled, uncaring bunch. I could be wrong...God I pray I am wrong...

I was saying to a gf the other day that I was genuinely worried that we were never going to find good men to settle down with...and she agreed. It's horrifying. It's upsetting. Especially when I see my friends all married or in happy relationships and all I can wonder is "What exactly did I do wrong here? Did I start dating too late? Do I just choose the wrong men? Am I just meant to be perpetually single? Should I be dating outside of Barbados?"

That last question...is a killer. It's a friggin cess pool around here. Everyone has dated everyone else, has slept with everyone else...whatever. It's almost incestuous at this point so why even try?

Because at the end of the day, if there's one thing we all dread it's ending up alone.

While I do dread that...I think I dread being my mate's surrogate mother for the rest of my life. That fear alone is enough to stop me from ever trying again. Especially when I consider that this is all men these days seem to want...with no inclination to return the favour.