Blogging is getting so boring these days.

Or maybe it's just that I don't have much to blog about? *lightbulb*

Let me just start off by saying that Exes are just that for a very good reason. I mean ex husbands, ex bf's and exflams. I mean hey if they ditched you why the hell should you get back with them? Surely it's THEIR fault for not realising what they had the first time around. If on the other hand you ditched THEM then kudos to you because you DID realise what you had and choose to do without it. Well done really.

But yes moving on. Exes are exes for a reason. Whatever that reason is then stick to it. Because there's no sense in rehashing the past. Move on. Find someone new. What sense is there in going backward? Why are things of the past always trying to pull you back into the past and ground you there? Why?? Because it just gives some people a sense of satisfaction that they have this degree of control over you. Sick really but true.

And that is why I maintain I will never.....EVER get back together with any guy I dated or talked to or any of those things because it's such a horrendous waste of time. I mean obviously it was a waste of time initially which is why it ended duh so therefore it stands to good reason that to reconcile would be an even GREATER waste of time.

Exes should stay in the past where they belong.


So the other day this man called me Ras. Needless to say I was thrilled to bits. Progress! Thankfully my hair is a bit longer than when I initially started. A month ago I didn't even want anyone to see my head. Yes I'm vain so what. I've had my hair shorter when I had that bob thing going on (all the lil bashment girls had them. Wuh I ain nuhbody? ^__^ Die Marcus.).

But yes my hair is getting somewhere. Heading into the fuzzy stage now which lasts for quite some time apparently. Lord help muh. This should be interesting.

Looks like the rain is about to pour. Can't wait to get home and finish my book.

Looking forward to vacation. Destination all picked out as well as a travel buddy who might very well end up murdering me but that's a rather long story that really isn't anyone else's business but by own so bah to all you :P.

Soon home time and I haven't this irritating freak from St Kitts for the whole blessed day. Praise God from whom all blessings flow.

Soon home time. Thank God.

I feel miserable. I dislike clients.

Then again maybe they dislike me too so six is half dozen right? HA!

Inconsiderate morons incapable of making a decision. Pisses me off.


I had a good weekend. Lots of books. Too much heat but the sea breeze helped somewhat.

I discoverd that there ARE attractive single Christian males out there BUT they're on a boat so this helps me not.

My nieces like the hair. My mother is concerned. My father is perplexed. The usual.

Not much work going on. Which is odd because now I actually have time to breathe.

I can't understand some of the people I work with. Sometimes you think WOW they're so great and then others it's like...Ok WHO are you and what have you done with the person I'm used to working with?

It doesn't look like I am going anywhere for vacation this year. Tickets to NY are 1500 and up. Uh NO. The last time I paid that kind of money for a ticket was when I went to London. So there is no way in hell I am paying that kinda moola for a ticket to freaking NY. And I still gotta shop? Jokes.

I was telling a buddy of mine that I might have to end up going to TnT and shop there instead. His response was less than satisfactory. Bah humbug.

I'm hungry.

Who knew that being silent could kill you? Apparently that's the road I'm heading down. And I don't mean a physical death. I mean an emotional death. For years I've had my friends tell me that I need to talk about things that are bothering me.

I can't bring myself to do it.

I have a problem with sitting down face to face with someone or on the phone and telling them everything that upsets me. Simply because I feel like a prize idiot. Why the hell am I moaning and complaining when they are bigger issues on the earth? So what if I feel a million negative feelings or have a million negative thoughts? What concern is it of anyone other than me? Why should anyone else care? So what if I've battled with depression for everyday of my life since I was a teenager? WHO CARES???

So for all these years I've done the shut out thing. Yeah I'd come on here and blog from time to time about things that upset me. But I'd never call names, just situations and places. Quite frankly I don't like people prying in my business or wanting to talk. I prefer to listen. I listen pretty ok. But to take the plunge and admit to someone that I have things bothering me? Forget it. What business is it of yours anyway.....

Yesterday I felt like someone ripped out my insides. Someone I barely know sat me down and told me everything about myself I have tried so hard to hide. Do you have any idea what that's like? I think I'm a private person. At least I try to be. And yet here was this person just digging all up in business with tremendous accuracy. That scared me witless. I don't want anyone in my mind! Or privy to the things that bother me. It's MY problem so let ME deal with it.

But you know what? How I deal with anything that bothers me....I just cover it over. Time does NOT heal all wounds. It blankets them til you think maybe I've forgotten it but it just takes a little trigger amd the wounds open afresh.

I hate feeling vulnerable. With a passion. I hate feeling weak. And I hate people pitying me. That makes me a fairly hateful person doesn't it? :)

I got a shirt this weekend. It reads, "I'm Stabbing you with my mind." I laughed when I read it. But funnily enough it hits right home.

I'm closed off because I'm afraid of who I might become were I to just let go of the rein I have on my emotions.

And apparently...that's killing me.

The question is can I really just let go and be honest about the things that bother me. If you've spent all your life doing one thing and you're pretty good at it...how do you just decide to go in a completely different direction?