My Bonnie lies over the ocean...my bonnie lies over the sea!!!

So went to a church cruise today and I must say I had fun. There's just something about being on a boat that is so incredibly relaxing...I'd have slept had I somewhere do so....lol.
I'ved decided that yes I must have a boat when I get older and have millions of dollars. Good that's settled.

Minibus drivers get me so sick sometimes...on the way home a day...was in a rush so I couldn't be all pick and choosy so I got in the first one that came...ram off with ppl...and check it....the guy still packs more ppl in...music blaring and these rasta men that got in the bus down in the back wukking up on this girl who is hollering out bout how the rasta man can;t wuk up. He in turn is doing his damndest to prove her wrong.

Now tourist man in front of me holding on for dear life looking like he's landed on Mars or something...these ..these animals were behaving in the worst way possible!!! He just looked at me and this other girl next to me and said" My God is it ALWAYS like this??" She goes " Pretty much."

He got off the bus shortly after to board one less hellish. Now if even I a supposed Bajan cannot get used tto this how much does it say for our visitors???? Ppl seriously need to cut this sorta crap out cus it's not only harmful to tourism with that sorta impression they giving but it's really dangerous too cus ur putting ppl's lives in danger....i guess it doesn't matter once ur having a good time. *shakes head*

I'm turning baby obsessed....this is not good.

Well I finally saw AVP...me kim ian and another friend went to see it over the weekend. I tell ya I laughed nonstop that entire film. It wasn't so much that it was done in a comedic style...maybe our minds are just really twisted and we found alotta jokes in it. ^__^

Damn tho I realise nuff ppl seem to get busy on accra beach....can't even take a stroll along there without butting up on two ppl intertwined in the sand. get a room eh??

So in the next couple weeks my Kimme will be back at school...god I am gonna miss her. Had the best time this summer just bumming with her. :) that's my best friend til the end hear?...until she do some junk and i gotta tell she off and we fall out again :P neways gonna miss her loads....so til next summer girlie......gotta plan that going away dinner this week....

Thinking about having another ladies' nite...mentioned it to Kiwi and she seems all for it...what do u other girls' say?


I reminded myself today that I should not be disappointed in the actions of others so much...especially when they are ppl who don't know me that well. But I realise that everyone does not think the same as you...if they did life would be pretty uneventful wouldn't it? :)

All hell has broken loose.

Well it's official. For all those who didn't know let me just give you the update. yours truly is a selfish good for nothing whore who will never amount to anything. I am more than likely having sex with 3 or more guys while partying my life away at whatever club happens to be open during the day. yes all these things I manage to do before 10 at night when I am in for the night that is unless I am working with kids.

I am inconsiderate rude and of no help or of any consequence to anyone around me. And I have pretty much done nothing with my life and therefore it should be clear to everyone that I have no ambition. I also don't care what ppl think about me and am intent on living my life however I want with whomever I want and always have been.

I am stupid, retarded, fat, red, a b*tch and above all else NOTHING.

Wow it's damn good thing I got someone to tell me all these things cus clearly I had some serious misconceptions of myself that I was fairly decent person who's biggest crime was not going to church on Thursday nights as often as I should, going online at the strangest hours and spending time with people who choose not to judge me. *shrugs* Then again what the hell do I know rite?

I sincerely wish I was leaving Barbados this year.

Song of the moment....Kirk Franklin's Can You Hold Me Now.....god.

WELL....I just wrote a really nice longish blog about life etc. and then Explorer decided to up and crash.

Well I never in all my born days....

AS I WAS SAYING...i have been reading alot about the Rapture and the Tribulation period that follows it. I got these books of the Logos II entitled Left Behind and Apolloyon. They Christian fiction based on biblical prophecy that tells of the time when Jesus comes for his saints and basically takes em away while all non believers are ... u guessed it ...left behind. So the time following that event is to be known as the Tribulation period and according to Revelations all sorts of horrible things are going to take place and life during that time is going to be 100 times worse than how we think our lives are now. It's sad depressing stuff but of course their is a way to avoid all of it. Now you'd think that all Christians including myself who know this stuff would be super fantastic at what they're supposed to do u know? But we're not. I mean we know what's right and still we're not doing it. Is it THAT hard to do what is right in God's sight? What is it about things of the world that make ppl hunger after them so much? I mean sure they might feel good in the moment but then after that ...well for me at least...there comes the guilt and I feel more lost and more worthless than before.

I just truly wish that I could be a better Christian and just DO what I know i am s'posed to. I am praying hard on it...I really want this to happen for me. My mum keeps telling me Mel time is running out get right with God. Put aside all those things they only last for awhile. Just through urself into church and get rite with Him. and she has a more than a point. I have wasted too much time already.

And I don't want that this week I am saying well hey I wanna be a good Christian ....actually no...a TRUE Christian and then next week my resolve fail and I am back in the same place. Only I am accountable for my actions and I want to make sure I stay on the path God has for me.

I just don't want to be one who is left behind.....the fear is enuff to make anyone want to change their lives....dunno if that is a good thing or a bad things...but i guess sometimes we need a good scare to push us into what we KNOW we have to do and are wasting time in doing so....

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Besides my spiritual life ...lol...life in the natural is not looking so bad. Work is still coming in but I am looking for a more time c onsumming job that will get me outta the house more even tho I make more money sitting a few hours a week than I would working 40 hours....that isn;t boasting it's irony. It might sound like a dream job to some but I do get bored being at home so much. I am grateful that I even have that job and I would love to continue doing it on the side but I need a more fulfilling job rite now. And since I am not going anywhere this year that is going to become a necessity. Have to pray on that as well. My aunt finagled some sorta job at the Advocate for me but I am wary about it...if there's one thing I don't want it's her getting a job for me....you know those ppl who do one thing for and then never let you forget it and act like you owe them your life cus of it?...yeah that's one of those situations. *shrugs* dunno what I am gonna do as yet. Just keep looking is the order of the day it seems. But I pray I find something soon.

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It is always important to know when to draw the line..and never let ppl make decisions for you. I am learning that more and more each day and it's becoming easier to say ...well no let's do this instead. I figure it shows strength of character. lol funny eh?

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oh and just for Sophie...YES I do!! :P

you know everytime I sign into blogger i have to laugh at my password. It is just too damn funny. ^__^

I am wondering what kind of mother I would make....It's become quite clear to me that I have been spending waaaay too much time with kiddies. But they are so adorable and they love to cuddle!! I like babies dammit!!!

These days it's becoming more and more fun to tick my dad off. ^__^ and it's not like i do i purposely..it's just anything i do is bound to annoy him cus he doan like me. doan ask me what i did except for grow up and form opinions of my own. seems to be a crime worthy of death these days.


Don't you just hate it when you obsess over someone for such a long time and think about how cute they are and how nice they seem and all that jazz...and then when u finally talk to them they're just really really boring? I hate that. I really do. it's like all the time u spent thinking about them and what talking to em would be like, could have been spent doing something else as utterly inane as that...like ur nails or something.

well after about two weeks my nose has finally healed. i think i got like windburn from a safari I went on and then rite after that I got the flu so since I was blowing my nose on a regular basis it just got really tender and bruised. but now i am all better. hurrah!!

the Olympics will begin in one more day. I CANNOT wait. if they is one thing I love it's the Olympics. fave events include gymnastics, swimming and diving. Perhaps this year I will get to see Ian Thorpe from the land down undah'...better known as the Thorpedoe *eyeroll* the dude is cute i must say...those shoulders...those eyes.....that smile....*SIGH*

And they are being held in one of the place I always wanted to visit. GREECE!! Kim and I always saidd we would go there in the summer of the year we turned 24....that has now been changed to 25 lol. Our love for Greece stemmed from the copious amounts of Greek mythlogy we read while we were at school. the good ole days when u had not a care in the world except praying that 4th former did not find out u had a crush on him....damn that one Harding and her big mouth :S

nehoos I real tired and gotta be up early to do laundry and then meet Kimmeh for lunch then to come back home and get the kids ready to go on the Logos and then have dinner with some girlfriends of mine...gee whattaday eh? :) Daddy will be furious. (6)

Ok I am over my semi meltdown from like a couple days ago. I dunno what hit me. Had too much time to think I guess. But I am better now!!

So I am really beginning to like Liz Phair. One of those female rockers who was shadowed in obscurity...underground rocker - folksy rock if u will. kinda like Tori Amos i guess even tho I don't listen to her that much. anyway Liz has this lovely song called Extraordinary that I think every female should relate to at some point. Basically changing herself for this guy and denying who she really was. Now I am not saying we do it to some large extent but truth be told we do sometimes try to form ourselves into what we think they other person wants...even if it's by a little bit.

these are the lyrics to the song.


You think that I go home at nightTake off my clothes, turn out the lights
But I burn letters that I writeTo you, to make you love me
Yeah, I drive naked through the park
And run the stop sign in the dark
Stand in the street, yell out my heart
To make, to make you love me

I am extraordinary, if you'd ever get to know me
I am extraordinary, I am just your ordinary
Average every day sane psycho
Supergoddess
Average every day sane psycho

You may not believe in me
But I believe in you
So I still take the trash out
Does that make me too normal for you?
So dig a little deeper, cause
You still don't get it yet
See me lickin' my lips, need a primitive fix
And I'll make, I'll make you love me

I am extraordinary, if you'd ever get to know me
I am extraordinary,
I am just your ordinary
Average every day sane psycho
Supergoddess
Average every day sane psycho
Supergoddess

See me jump through hoops for you
You stand there watching me performing
What exactly do you do?
Have you ever thought it's you that's boring?
Who the hell are you?

I am extraordinary, if you'd ever get to know me
I am extraordinary,
I am just your ordinary
Average every day sane psycho
SupergoddessAverage every day sane psycho
Average every day sane psycho
Supergoddess
Average every day sane psycho
Average every day sane psycho
Supergoddess
Average every day sane psycho

Average every day sane psycho



rite now I am trying my hardest to get this song by Emilie Simon called Flowers. saw the video to it once and it really caught my eye. the song is very easy on the ears. She's french so it has that nice breezy sorta jazzy feel to it. ^__^

Dunno what will be the do this weekend...I do have to go shopping with Kim for some new jeans for her so there goes my saturday. Would like to spend the evening with another friend who is having their birthday that day ..maybe I can convince Kim to make it an evening out?

In contrast to my mood of a couple days ago I have actually been feeling pretty ok about things.

the friend of mine i mentioned that was coming in is here. heard her yesterday even tho she was here since MONDAY :@...lol but apparently she wasn't getting hold of me whenever she called so i can't really be mad at her. Hopefully meeting up with her and another friend for lunch next week. :P

Seems I am all on a love trip recently. Love in general tho. you really should love and appreciate those close to you. I've found a new love for my nieces...particulartly the eldest Rasheeda. not to say that I don't love Gabrielle as well but Rasheeda of late has piqued my interest..she's really coming into her own and is turning into quite an independent young lady. I noticed she never used to hang much with the girls at our church and I wondered why. And now I know it's not cus she is snob. she just doesn;t rely on their approval to make her feel important. neither does she have that feeling that she has to be a part of a pack to feel like someone. I totally respect her for that.

One more month left of summer. What will it bring....

and now something that has been bothering me for days....how do porcupines reproduce? :S

Long weekend for alot of people...hoped they used it wisely and had some fun doing whatever makes them happy.

So I think I have way too much time on my hands. Working some very unusual hours has resulted in that. I've come to realise that I am remarkably efficient at suggesting ways that people can fix their relationship issues and surprazz surprazz it actually works. Seems I am also not so bad at comforting them when they are feeling somewhat low. The weird thing is I can't work these lil tricks on myself. My way of dealing with any sort of male related issue is to just...leave it alone. As in don't talk it out or try to figure out why things are the way they are...just leave it out. Now ain't that something else? Same thing with negative feelings. Just ignore them and shove them aside. One of these blessed days I am going to pop.

In about 6 months I am going to be 21 years old. 21....and still my Father sees me as a child. it's not so much that I act like one...tho I know some ppl may disagree but then again what do they really know about me? Appearances are never what they seem. but 21...and still a prisoner in ur own damn home...

I dunno where this depression even came from.....cus I just came back from a fantastic day at this tournament. It's hardly anyone's idea of fun..but I realise I have the best fun when I am with people who can just sit down and create their own fun with the endless nonsense that they talk. and frankly I love that. I like getting up and leaving home knowing that I am soon going to be with people who don't care that I go online at ungodly hours in the morning or that I am not working a regular job with regular hours like everyone else. I like the peace I have when I am out. where I can just laugh and be happy and not have to feel him shooting daggers into the back of my head with his eyes.

I hate that after a fun time out I have to go home to questions and why are u home at this time...of all the people I know I am home the freakin earliest.....I understand the whole concept of living by ur rules..under ur roof....been doing it for years....when the hell am i going to just be able to be happy and not constantly have to hear..."we need to talk."

I can't do anything rite?? I do not know what else it is I can do to get you to leave me alone.I am home..something to talk about...I am out..I hear it when I get home.....this has got to end.