So I've decided to follow Kerry's sterling example and to blog when things are going good. :> If only to preserve the memory.

Now what's so good you may ask? I dunno what to tell yah. I lost something this weekend. Someting that I really wanted. And for about two three days I was pretty much down in the dumps about it but was doing my best to stay upbeat. I was actually fine in the day but then good ole night hit and it was like bleh.

But things changed from about Tuesday when HURRAH I got paid!!! Earlier than I thought too and I was able to clear some bills and give Momma some cag therefore allowing me to feel once again like I actually have some purpose around the house lol.

Neways bills aside I found out that my fave cousin in the world is coming back home this Saturday after traipsing around Europe on a backpack tour with some friends she did her Masters programme with. So Congrats Porchae on finally being a certified Marine Biologist or whatever it was you went to study. :)

Ahhhh rite the thing I lost....I gained something far greater. And that has me remarkably content. It's finally going how it was supposed to and as far as I am concerned anything else can follow. Took me awhile to get to this point but hey I am finally here. Lol that actually reminds me of a song that was in the movie the Fighting Tempations. That right there is a reassurance.

Finally I realise the value of true friends and their ability to be patient with you and even to disregard some things. Which is why ppl like Kim and Boo I always want to be part of my life. Cus no matter how depressed I am they always manage to make me laugh. Tho i realise I am gonna have to stop calling him Boo and vice versa since it got him in trouble with his current flam. :P

Anyways...I'm blessed. And here's hoping it stays that way.

*me walks off humming "He Still Loves Me." ^_^

...Monday. oi. Well still loads to be grateful for. I made it to MOnday morning after all. :)

Friday nite was the highlite of my weekend. Went to see Resident Evil 2 with some friends that I haven't hung out with in a long time. And it was kixx as usual. A whole row of us talking x amount of nonsense always makes for a fun time. :) The movie itself was really good I must admit. Never saw the first but I wasn't too lost since two of the ppl there were kind enuff to explain certain bits to me so I wasn't totally out of the loop.

Saturday was alrite as well. Ended up babysitting for there two kids at the hotel who were absolutely fantastic. We played cards and drew for the majority of the time I was there. Rest of the nite was spent watching Clifford the Big Red Dog :S who I am coming to like disturbingly enuff....

I got a tip!!! ^__^ That's usually enuff to brighten my mood.

So this week is pay week. YAY!!! That means I can take care of some things that have been on my mind..

Oh...it seems that at some point every gurl or guy has a stalker...mine is some guy who is this || close to becoming a parro. He walks up to me this morning after nto seeing me for what is about two weeks...tells me he misses me and wishes he could give me a hug and a kiss but he didn't get to brush his teeth this morning.

What else could I say but thanks for being so considerate :S and with that I hopped onto the bus. Brisk.

Only to end up sitting next to stalker No 2 the Guyanese dude who always tries to chat me up on the bus. Unfortunately alot of reggae love songs were playing and he kept singing at me. It made me really uncomfortable. Maybe later today I can laugh about it but rite now I am jus tired and I don't feel perky at all. Govan shut up.

You ever tried your best to understand someone but they insist on making it impossible? I been trying really hard lately to understand a friend of mine but paranoia seems to have taken over on both sides. I wish I wish I wish I could talk to them and try to understand why they think I am doing what they think I am doing to them...and make them understand it just isn't so. But truth be told...the way things have been going lately I am not sure how to approach them. And in order to stop myself from being a nuisance to them I'll just act like nothing has happened. Jesus Mary Joseph and the camel what do u have to do to make ppl understand?? I have never been the best at confrontation cus I end up saying things I regret. I don't want that to happen here.


Oh rite...pay day!!! ^___^

...I really hate the first month on a new job. You're guaranteed to make some sorta foolish mistake that leaves you feeling like a giant donkey and increases ur paranoia that everyone is just waiting for you to foul up and fire your tail.

Rite. SO today I was thinking about how much ppl change. And it's amazing. Can you honestly say that you're the same person you were a year ago? two years ago? I know I can't. I used to be known as innocent lil Ana *cease the laffing this instant* and I was at that point in time. However it would be stupid of ppl to assume that I am the same as then. I'm certainly not as innocent altho I am still rather naive about alot of things. Now that's not to say I'm a ho or some sorta worldy woman. Lemme just say that now before I hear the rumors flying about. *humph*

As I was saying....it's sad in a way...and good. How many times have each of us sworn not to do this and still end up doing it like a week or so later? HOW many times have you said I am dun dun with men/women.....er both? 0_0 lol.

The things that shocked you then won't even make you flinch now.

God why do things have to change? Half the time they only change for the worst. :S

I have a sinking feeling in my stomach....it seems really familiar....

...oh hello despair. 0_0

Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else

I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I?ve had you so many times but somehow
I want more

I don?t mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get insecure
It doesn?t matter anymore

It?s not always rainbows and butterflies
It?s compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door?s always open
You can come anytime you want

I don?t mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls

So I find my emotions doing a real number on me of late. And no it's not PMS. Yesterday I was laughing so bad I mean literally laffing til I cried and then not two minutes later I was on the verge of tears. Raiser told me it means I am about to have a nervous breakdown. Thanks for the words of encouragement man. :)

It's not to even say that I have a reason for being upset...forget that mess on Saturday I had posted. I was raging mad and very disturbed but I am over it for right now. Besides that bit of drama life for me of late has been pretty good.

Work is going well...long hours and lots of work..when I get home I take straight to my bed cus I doan have the energy for anything else lol. But it's rewarding when you see the fruits of your labour.

There's one other reason that life is fun for me right now and that's because of this guy in our office. No I doan have a thing for him but he's someone that has me in stitches the majority of the day and you can't help but like someone who makes you laugh.

He sits in here the majority of the day doing all sors of madness that has the whole place breaking down.

It's nice to know that I have that to look forward to when the morning comes. He just makes being here easier. :)

And after aserting my authoritay (Cartman style lol) I've got my nieces doing what they are meant to do...at least for now...these changes never last and I get tired of badgering them.

Oh and recently discovered that I look cute in one of my least favourite colors in the world....pink.

I dunno why that boy doan stop stalking me tho. In the vanstand and all. Poor Mel can't catch a break. :)

Well I tell yah. Life of late has been trying really hard to overwhelm me with drama.

Can you ppl picture me as an outside woman? Nah me neither but for a brief 10 minutes I had a feeling of what that is like. Don't worry it was all a great big misunderstanding but man was it amusing...and saddening as well. :S

I had something to say for awhile now....why do ppl think of suicide as a good thing? It is beyond me why they do it.Does it not make sense that while ur alive there is still hope that things can change for the better? When ur dead that's it. And no it doesn't mean the pain ends. Religiously speaking that's what it starts. I feel sorry for ppl who commit suicide :S It's a sign of real desperation...but things should never become that bad.

I know when I am ready I get depressed moody and paranoid and feel the world out to get me but I've never entertained those thoughts mostly cus it's just plain stupid to want to take your own life.

I just hope no one I know ever does something like that.

Been wondering lately why I can't seem to find any lasting female friendships. Besides Kim of course and that's only cus she is my best friend. I dunno I just have this knack for either growing apart from them for one reason or another. Seems the only ppl I can get along with for long periods of time are males. And that's neither here nor there as I end up having my issues with them too.

When will I learn to just start ignoring people doh? It's funny how you would take the time to understand ppl and they can't do the same back for you. :S

On another note...I am trying to give up coffee....let's see how long this lasts.

Be forewarned. This part of the blog is a rant. And I swear to God Roger if you come in here and tell me any foolishness to further raise my pressure I will hunt you down and squeeze the last breath from your quivering lifeless body.

Now something has been bothering me for awhile but I was waiting to see if it would change..or if I am being unreasonable…or something. I dunno if it’s limited to my nieces or what but today’s younger generation are some rude irresponsible little twits. There are some days I feel like I am their mother cus I can feel the rage boiling up in me when I have to come home from work late on an evening to do THEIR chores cus their were either too lazy to do them or were too busy running their mouths on the phone. I have NO problem with them using the phone ok? But my God is it too much to ask that you do your chores first and then you can have all the phone time you want?

I dunno how many times I have gone thru this argument with them. I know ppl are gonna read this and say well it’s not like you used to do those things when you were their age..but the thing is I did do my chores as soon as I came home from school. Every weeknight from when I was 10 washing the dishes, sweeping the house and vacuuming were my chores when I came home from school. After I did those then I did homework then some TV and maybe the phone.

Yes things change over generations but is learning to take responsibility one of them? Dammit it was just me and it’s two of them. They at least got someone to share it with. I would never say my parents abused me but they were firm believers in spare the rod and spoil the child. When I was being plain lazy and speaking to me did not do a thing the lashes sure woke me up. These girls doan get a touch. All they get is talk talk talk and it does not work. My mother reasons oh she is tired now she can’t raise children anymore. And it’s not as if they listen to me cus they see they can get away with it where she is concerned.

Alrite here’s a scenario….started a new job last week but getting to and from work is hassle and I found myself getting home real late on nights so by the end of the week I was a lil burnt. I went to bed at like 10 30 the Friday and woke up at 1 the Saturday afternoon.This is something I never ever do. But hey anyways I got up and walked out my room…and the house is quite literally a mess. I peeped in the kids’room and there is the eldest niece sitting down reading listening to the Guinness Rush Hour….now far be it from me to tell her how to spend her Saturdays rite…but she couldn’t at least straighten the house before getting all recreational? And then tonight I come home to find her curled up in the chair chatting away with one of the numerous lil fellas that call incessantly for her…and there are still clothes outside to be picked up and fold away. And there are dishes in the sink from since breakfast….all this at 6 in the evening….they were both home since 3. 30, 4. Did the laundry and went to bed for a couple hours got back up and found the dishes still there so I asked the eldest how come you didn’t do the dishes…man Melissa I sick. Apparently not sick enuff to leave the phone alone which is exactly where I came and found her and eventually left here. Always on the damn phone alldetimeso???? And doan even have the decency to check to see what ur doing before they tell whoever calls for you that oh she sleeping so they can carry on their convo uninterrupted. And on top of all that they doan even deliver the message to you so you know ppl called…I would find out when my cell rings about 2 mins after they called the landline. Then when you go and say I need to use the phone could you come off they giving you stink looks.
Constantly finding myself picking up their slack and my mother is still be telling foolishness and coddling de two o dem as if dem ain know exactly wuh dem doing.

It’s a damn good thing they are not my kids I would have murdered them long time. :@


…..I miserable in truth……but man I got reason to be!!!

I still have far to go in the learning to ignore people thing. But sometimes it's hard especially when people take it upon themselves to be as overbearingly obnoxius as can be. Do they even realise well hey I am being a real jerk? And what's with the assuming things? Then again I can't talk cus I assume quite a bit even tho it's all done in innocence but ppl seem to see it the other way. But if u gonna say something then practice what you preach rite? One of these blessed days I won't give a two hoots what ppl have to say. Why Mel do u allow insignificant morons to cloud ur mind so? ahh girlie things need to change.


Had another episode today regarding the bus. I took a TB bus into B'town forgetting that they now run out the outskirts of town before dropping u off near City Centre Mall. There I was telling off myself for getting in the bus cus that little drive around the city cost me an extra 10 mins. I was eventually humbled when it became apparent that the bus now take you up to the river road depot so I was in the van stand in no time. :$ Still ended up waiting a good half hour for a van tho cus ppl act like getting a route 11 is similar to a cattle rush. Sorry rite but I am not looking to get trampled just so I can get in a few mins earlier so I can have some coffee time to myself.


Work is going alrite. I have some real busy periods then some not so busy ones....like rite now. =)Stephanie remains cool I can give her that lol. She's only like 26 but she seems so much more mature. In fact all the ppl here are cool. And they will remain so once I don't do what I fear and mess up anything. Check me taking notes and stuff so I don;t forget what goes where and what to do when i do what i do lol.

On a much somber note...I won't be making it to the Sesame Street Show....tragic I know :( Just don't have the moola to spare rite now SO that opp will pass me by. Unless some kind reader of this here blog is willing to take moi. Any of wunna out there?....guess not.Won;t be going to Judy Jacobs either.

Boy u! u know who should have a concert here? Linkin Park. Now that would be classic.

Nehoos that's all to be found in mah lil worl' so see u ppl around.