All bow to the Queen!

Thursday, April 29, 2004

:s weird.....

Boy you people does really amaze me. The next body to come in my face and tell me wow yeah but college is gonna be really expensive is gonna get a slap. I really doan mean to sound obnoxious...but i KNOW this already. When I applied I knew the costs!!! I knew how much boarding cost I knew about the tuition. All of that is what is giving me a headache so why are you pointing this out to me for what is surely the hundredth time!!! No consideration. There's a reason I don't talk to you. You bug me. And he is typing in all caps.....stupse......
...........................................................................................................................................

Looking forward to unwinding this weekend. Some of the peeps hanging at Quayside and I hoping to get me that Bubba;s burger I have been craving. (whoot) Probably go see One Love before that. Some Jamaican flick...see if it's any good. Oh boy I really need some time to de-stress or what have you. And it's best to do it with ppl you actually like. Yes I like wunna!! Some o wunna anyway. *eyeroll*

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Headaches getting worse. Dr Crump here I come. :S

Tuesday, April 27, 2004

lol.....so there is a certain someone on my list who's nick reads along the lines of them not being a nice person but they are attempting to be sweet. Now i niced it up rite there cus if u had to REALLy see the nick u'd realise how arrogant they are being.
Now I doan know about the sweet part...sweet when they're after something no doubt...but I never met anyone who took such pleasure and pride in being a total and complete dog. Ppl does amaze me.
..............................................................................................................................................

I wanna go rally tho. :S Is it really as trying as ppl make it seem?


..............................................................................................................................................

My dad surprised me the other night and talked to me really welll and I finally let out all the stuff I was holding in. He's usually the less sensitive of the two so for him to come and tell me he's worried about me and we need to talk is a real shocker. Alot of ppl I've been taking for granted are beginning to show that they do care and are there for me. Time to turn in that general reaction it seems. I've got much to be thankful for. ^__^.

People in general need to more thankful. (loss looka who talking)

Monday, April 26, 2004

Nothing blog worthy today.

But I do need to say that I miss Kimme something terrible and I want her to come home. :(

May come nuh!!!!

Saturday, April 24, 2004

So I just read something on another blogger's ...well blog....

Do ppl realise the significance of a kiss? I think not cus there are some people out there who would have sex with whoever and I mean if you gin sleep wid someone at least tell me you can bear to kiss them.

But there are some ppl I know of that they seem to think that being physical means you're flat on your back going at it like a couple of bunnies.

What is wrong with sitting down and engaging in a good old snogging session? Granted it may lead to someting else but at least you start off with what I consider to be the right way...get some kissing time in and then you can go down that road. How ppl just jump into bed without it is a mystery to me. (actually alot of things are a mystery to me)

And I mean come on a kiss can go a looong way. If you're not feeling it a kiss can get you in the mood. Come on I know ppl understand what I mean. Now since I have taken the whole not dating thing vow this stuff really doan relate to me now does it? no but I still have an opinion on it.

Seriously a kiss on the neck on the ear and finally the lips that can change your mood one time. Especially if it's from the right person lol.

And not just kisses!!! A hug or holding of hands that stuff is meaningful too!! I mean you just don't necessarily have to have sex to show ur feeling that person. There are so many other ways.

Then again what if you're a weirdo like me and you doan really like people touching you? :S

Friday, April 23, 2004

More and more I begin to realise the true value of that boy as a friend.

The past two weeks have been murder. I suppose to some it may seem like I am overreacting to something or being a drama queen cus I was recently accused of that.

But you know what...when I have problems they are very real to me. So even tho I would need someone to tell me "Mel come on now snap back to reality things are hardly that bad" I also need someone that I can let it out to. Then again who the hell are you to tell me my problems mean nothing?

Anyway as I was saying the past weeks have been really trying. Home is as tense as ever with me trying my best to keep out of everyone's way. I'm in my room most of the time and I never come to the phone anymore cus I just don;t want to see or hear anyone. I was just in shut down mode...and you know what....I didn't have a soul to talk to. The way I see it other ppl have their problems and it isn;t fair for me to unload on them cus the state I was in I would not have been able to reciprocate. And so I became a mole. lol so to speak.

That's where he comes in.(and "he" is not a potential anything lemme just state that now before Kerry bong on pun me lol) I avoid this boy calls for weeks cus I just could not handle the talking. you when you just need to be alone? I needed to really think about what was going on with my life...from work....lol...to school....to the things that were being said about me behind my back by my family and ppl I considered my friends. It affected me pretty badly to be honest...I haven't been eating, I'm as pale as ever (lol that was for Daana) and I have these headaches that won't go away. Doan worry gonna go to the doctor about it....

He made me let it out tho....

One thing I keep asking myself is why do I allow ppl to hurt me...it's not to say that I am a wimp but truth be told I am very sensitive..overly sensitive sometimes...I've been trying for years to toughen up....it;s not to say that I burst into tears when something happens but I do take things on more than I need to. Like I said I am trying to be less sensitive ....but then when I do get cold I hear I am unmannerly etc...lol..there really is no pleasing anyone.....

I'm still very confused....I think I'm going to be confused for awhile.

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Went and saw Leon and Norma's lil boy yesterday and he is just darling. ^__^ 7 pounds and some!! He didn't get that from his poppa that's for sure. Well baby Andre is coming home today. I was gonna try to post a pic of the lil munchkin...I dunno we'll see how that goes...

.-----------------------------------------------@------------------


I am craving a burger from Bubba's.

Wednesday, April 21, 2004

Oh God not another one of him......

0_0 ......er I mean...


Congratulations Leon and Norma on the birth of your Baby Boy Andre Leon Phillips!!!! ^___^ (I miss one o de names I know just shut up Leon)

Can't believe this punk is a dad. He ain gin learn one thing. *me sadly shakes head*


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I sincerely wish I could read minds. :S

Tuesday, April 20, 2004

Questions...

How does changing an outing with a friend from lunch to dinner suddenly make the situation more intimate?

Why is my boss such a total fraud?

Why wasn't I born filthy rich so I wouldn't have to bother about college tuition?

Why am I so scared now that I realise I very likely will be all on my own?

Why won't he give him the money so I can stop feeling like this is all my fault somehow (guilt by association? :S)

Why did they act so nonchalant about the whole thing? This means something to me!!!

Why won't he stop telling me about her? I just can't focus on that I Have other things on my mind.

Why is it I find him so annoying now?

Does he think I am being that elusive B word? (oh yes I really am being one :( )

Why won't my head stop hurting??? :'(

Saturday, April 17, 2004

To that future man in my life ^_^

India Arie - The Truth


Let me tell you why I love him

Chorus:
Cause he is the truth
Said he is so real
And I love the way that he makes me feel
And if I am a reflection of him then I must be fly because
His light it shines so bright I wouldn't lie


Verse 1:
I remember the very first day that I saw him
I found myself immediately intrigued by him
It's almost like I knew this man from another life
Like back then maybe I was his husband maybe he was my wife
And even,things I don't like about him are fine with me
Cause it's not hard for me to understand him cause he's so much like me
And it's truly my pleasure to share his company
And I know that it's God's gift to breathe
The air he breathes

Chorus:
Cause he is the truth
Said he is so real
And I love the way that he makes me feel
And if I am a reflection if him then I must be fly because
His light it shines so bright I wouldn't lie (no)


Verse 2:
How can the same man that makes me so mad
Do you know what he did-(Spoken)
Turn right around and kiss me so soft
Girl do you know what he did-(Spoken)
If he ever left me I wouldn't even be sad no
Cause there's a blessin' in every lesson
And I'm glad that I knew him at all

Chrous:
Cause he is the truth
Said he is so real
And I love the way that he makes me feel
And if I am a reflection of him then I must be fly because
His light it shines so bright


Bridge, Break-down, & Ending :
I love the way he speaks
I love the way he thinks
I love the way that he treats his mama
I love that gap in between his teeth
I love him in every way that a woman can love a man
From personal to universal but most of all
It's unconditional

You know what I'm talking about-(Spoken)
That's the way I feel
And I always will-(Spoken)

There ain't no substitute for the truth
Either it is or isn't
(Cause he is the truth)
You see the truth it needs no proof
Either it is or it isn't
(Cause he is the truth)
Now you know the truth by the way it feels
And if I am a reflection of him then I must be fly
Because he is, yes he is
I wonder does he know

Friday, April 16, 2004

Is it just me or has Madonna's music of late been utter crap? I mean Love Profusion? Nothing Fails? Come on now Ms Queen of Pop!!!

Stupse anyway. No complaining this blog. ^__^ Gonna do as Baby Doll suggested and Count mah blessings. Blessing one being that uh still living when I should be dead. Blessing two that I have a job *grits teeth and tries real hard not to complain* Blessing three I've got terrific friends who are terribly supportive and Blessing four I got into that place even thought I doubted I ever could. Life is really a ton of blessings. And truly it's time I stopped being so gosh darned miserable and perk up. Now see it's now easy for me to say so cus I have something to be truly happy over when before it felt like things were just not happening for me. I was disagreeable I was upset I was a little swine. And anyone who knows me as in really knows me would know that I wasn't just being that way for no reason. It only happens when I am upset but don;t know how to come out and say it. lol Kim's been thru this too many times and is still there. Frankly I dunno how she puts up with me when I am in those moods cus I can't.


neways point is I am in a better mood than I was before. Only thing left to complain about is this headache that would not go away...:s .....and it's not even a migraine......

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Ok so since my fam came back home I realise that yes I would be better off living alone. It is remarkably peaceful.

Wednesday, April 14, 2004

Dear Fellow Bloggers....

I GOT IN!!!!

excuse the outburst but this is the news I have been waiting forever for came today. Yours truly has received placement at the Bournemouth University where I will be embark on my dream of becoming a television/ film producer. I can't stop reading the stupid email. That is the truth. It says I have been awarded an Uncondtional place which means that I am in period and no body can tell me differently. I am over the moon to say the very least.

Anyhoos just wanted to share the good news.

Special thank you's go out to Kerry and Omari who kept asking me how things were looking and told me to hang in there. I truly wanted to hit u both cus even tho I had gotten back positive replies I still hadn;t gotten the final acceptance letter and I was truly depressed about the whole affair. And just asking me about it was sure to put me in a foul (er) mood.

Neways life is great life is wonderful muh shoe pop today but I getting a ride home so it's all A-OK in Ana land!!! ^__^

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

Chica: if u fancy him u shd show it
Chica: gentle like
Malicious interfering relatives. :@: *whimpers*
Chica: but if u take all his advances as joke
Chica: then he will eventually eliminate u from his list of 'possibles'
Malicious interfering relatives. :@: :s
Malicious interfering relatives. :@: my head :'(
Chica: lol
Chica: stop being a wimp
Chica: :>
Malicious interfering relatives. :@: i rather not be a fool


Not wanting to look like an idiot keeps me from experiencing what has the potential to be one of the greatest things that could ever happen to me. Pride is our downfall in life. But honestly I can never come out and tell somone I like them. Fear of rejection is just....overwhelming....that and I value them as a friend. SO BAN THAT. *sigh* Problem is I truly like them. Distance. That is the answer. (y)

Artist: Fuel

Song: Million Miles Lyrics


On my way for the day I find no sorrow
Everyday is all the same there's no tomorrow
And I feel like I feel
Cause it's cold here where you left me

[Chorus:]
Hey I think that someday I might need you somehow
I, I think I might have loved you
These things I said but you were
A million miles away
A million miles away

On my way for the day I find my heart is not for taking
And I know it's all but gone
It only served to make me cry
And I feel like I feel
Cause it's black here with your memory

[Chorus]

On my way for the day I find no sorrow

Vereeeeee nice song. (y)



Saturday, April 10, 2004

"I am not difficult...I'm just misunderstood."

I dunno what does be wrong with me sometimes. Most of the time I figure I am pretty easy to talk to or deal with. But then I get into these moods where I just don't care. I would realise that I being difficult and really uncooperative but I don't stop. No it's not a game...I just can't be bothered. It's best that when I get into that mood that all people leave me alone. But some people doan seem to realise that and persist and then I get rude. Sounds bad but.....

So the whole being home alone thing has been working out pretty well to be honest. My roomie is pretty cool and we've been having fun. It's agreed that living alone would be superb. First off very little housework. I mean really why would you need to do all the cleaning when it's just you?

Good Friday was ...good. ^__^ Came home from work and got some rest, Had something to eat (did I mention I haven't had to cook??)then slept. Woke up and had a really weird conversation that I honestly don't remember having so now Laura probably thinks I am crazy....er......

But honestly I don't remember my cell ringing. I remember someone asking me if I had a good day and I said yes. Then I heard something about the Passion of the Christ and I said no....:S.....then I hung up and sat up to see my roommate looking at me with what I was sure was a smirk so I was like "What are you smirking at?" She said I snapped at her but to be honest I was so tired I ain even realise what I was doing. :$ I apologized to her later but it seems she found it rather amusing.

We ended up at Quayside later on cus it was soooo hot so we went to get some coffee. Boo came along (he's having woman issues so I tell he come out de house) as well as Grandpa (you tubesock wearer you!) as well as Kewwie. I tried to get one Skye but we didn't hear her. Ah well.

I get kixx at real bad bout my pale ankles. It's not my fault I work ungodly hours and barely see any sort of sun now is it?? Leff this whitey alone maan. :) Laura pulled a really ridiculous stunt that had bare customers in Quayside looking at us like we were mad. 0_0 *me shakes head* Never agen you hear me chick? Twas awful what she did. Mek poor George get up and leff de table cus he was laughing so bad...that and de fact he didn't want to get hit with anything in case L's joke backfired.

"Nastay!" LOLOLOLOLOL

Saw a tasty little morsel getting coffee as well...hmmm...almost didn't see him too cus one Kerry was playing selfish. :@ You made me miss the hair toss woman! Loss he was yummy tho..........my word....:$

Ahem anyway!!! So today should be fun as well. Laura gine home!! No not for good unfortunately (lol) it's her sis's birthday so she is gonna spend the day with her then come back later. 'Side's she gotta bring the food.

Wednesday, April 07, 2004

Some ppl are so malicious and nasty wid it. What makes it worse are when those same people happen to be your own family. ^__^ Now my youngest aunt clearly has major issues where my sexuality is concerned. And it really bewilders me cus if I recall correctly she is the same person telling my mother and myself that I am stuck up and I think I am better than her and too good to speak to her. *SIGH* I realise awhile ago that when the girls in this family reach a certain age that this woman suddenly has alot of talk for you. It happened with my two older cousins and now it's happening to me. So since she decided that I am being too stuck up for her she said she ain got no time for me. Woman acting like I begging she fuh attention. Shoot.

Now this same chick gin call me repeatedly and ask me things like "So Melissa be honest you is still a virgin?" 0_0 I mean hello? How is that any of your business?? "So you ain got nuh boyfriend? Why not? So wuh you waiting fuh? I hope you ain gin say fuh de rite body cus he would neva come *insert stupid laugh here* "

Now....I doan need that crap. Especially from a woman who claims she has nothing to do with me..yet still she finds it necessary to ask me about my sex life or serious lack thereof whenever I have the misfortune of answering the phone. She did the same thing with my older cousins too and I think one of em cussed her and they no longer speak. :S And to think she used to call me to ask me if I think the other one is still a virgin then tried to present facts to prove that she wasn't.

We both know that if I were to tell her no I am not she was only gonna go back and tell my mother and my other aunts about how wutless and slack I've become like what she is doing with that other cousin of mine.


That
woman need de Lord.


So I was talking to a male friend the other day and he told me something that I certainly hope is not true. According to him most males will risk at their female friends provided she look good. He says it's against a male's nature to see an attractive woman and not be moved to approach her. Now that shocked me to be honest. So you telling me that a man cannot have a female friend who is very close to them and not hit on her.Apparently he says not. I hope he's just one in a few. :S

I have to go shopping today. There is very little inside the house to eat and I can't really have that happening. 6 whole days of parentless childrenless bliss. Was considering going up to the airport to see them off cus I wanted to see the looks on the kids' faces when they checked in and stuff since it's their first time on a plane. Supposed to be leaving at 12 to up GA but if I know those rascals they're gonna be up...oh now.

Here's hoping they have a great trip! ^__^

Check the lyrics to this song.

South FM - Dear Claudia

Lyrics:

dear claudia, you should try not to sleep with your best friends boyfriend
you've come so far since that time when you let your first boy in
and you do it so carelessly
as if you had no self esteem
a victim of apathy but you don't care what people say about you
i will let you in before you break yourself

its true that you like to sleep around
enjoy it with your backside on the ground
but you should know that its not your fault
your father killed himself

dear claudia, you leave pieces of you in each bed you lay in
and when you're done there will be somebody else wearing your skin
I will lay your fears right here next to mine
and when we close our eyes we'll be entwined
little claudia
you must find another
you must forgive yourself
cause its not your fault I killed myself
little claudia
I will forgive you

If you haven't heard it before you gotta give it a listen. Pretty moving even though I've listened to it like a million times.





Tuesday, April 06, 2004

I take back every saying that Britney's video persona is "out there". Bring me the woman that can beat Pink. Now she worries me to be honest. The things she says and her vids....well her in general tends to concern me.

Jessica Simpson is just a real ditz. Then again look who's talking lol....

My dad sent my dog to the pound to be put to sleep. I wish he'd have told me before so I would have known well hey this is the last time I am gonna see Murphy. He says she was really sick since she had her last batch of puppies who btw died. Well he didn't want her to suffer so he sent her off . Man I had that dog since I was 10 :S Gonna be weird not coming home and finding her on the patio waiting for me or running down the road when I'm coming up. :S

lol Miss"Needs some loving" tsk tsk

Hope the next few days go smoothly...this is the ultimate test of trust.

Saturday, April 03, 2004

Congratulations to Miss Anne Marie and her bf on the birth of Baby boy Tristan who weighed in at a healthy 8 pounds. ^___^ Proud of you girlie!!


Well this is totally unrelated but here goes anyway lol


He spends his nights in California,
watching the stars on the big screen.
And then he lies awake and he wonders,
why can't that be me?

Cause in his life he's filled with all these good intentions,
he's left a lot of things
he'd rather not mention right now.
Just before he says goodnight,
he looks up,
with a little smile at me and he says

(Chorus)
If I could be like that,
I would give anything.
Just to live one day
in those shoes.
If I could be like that
what would i do?
What would i do? Yeah

[Now in dreams we run]

She spends her days up in the North Park,
watching the people as they pass.
And all she wants is just a little piece of this dream
Is that too much to ask?
With a safe home,
and a warm bed,
on a quiet little street.
All she wants is just that something to hold on to.
Thats all she needs. Yeah

[Chorus]

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
oh, oh oh yeah
I'm falling into this,
in dreams, we run...away

Chorus x2

Falling in
I feel lost
falling in
to this, again

Been thinking about the title of my blog tho...now there's a damn scary thought cus the World According to Me really in that great lol.

Friday, April 02, 2004

Discoveries

lol It's just been a week of them really.

I realised the other day that I could be in the best of moods and my face will still look like I about to murder someone. These days I have to make my face relax which is just not impressive at all.
I am highly strung yes. Some people have noticed that already but I'm always the last to know things anyway.

Now since this is my blog I can say whatever I feel like and not have to give two frigs what anyone thinks. I am a fairly easy going person....I am......only if you persist in harping on one thing which does truly bother me will I turn into an itchbay. It amazes me that while I do try to consider other people's feelings before my own so as to avoid conflict there are others out there who would just let loose and say things that are absolutely ridiculous which are certain to upset the ones they said it to yet the feel no remorse for doing so...some of these asses call that keeping it real.

Now I personally have no problem with keeping it real. But when something is said or done in maliciousness (the true definition of the word) then I do have an issue with it. Now this will be seen and certain persons may see it and *chuckle* and be on their merry pompous overbearing pain the ass arrogant sarcastic oh and by the by hypocritical way. And that's fine by me to be honest. ^___^

And this thing about kill them with kindness kill dem wid love is so much BS. I am the kinda person who likes to be friendly with everyone. I'll go outta my way to be nice to ya. In fact quite often I do. So when all of sudden u are treated to a nice lil cussing by ppl u simply have nothing against nor as far as u know u did anything to offend them it kinda surprises you. I cannot tell of the amount of cusswords that welled up in me at that point because it just isn't ladylike.

But s**t now. If you say one thing say the other. If u wanna persist in teasing someone and expect them to take it doan get mad when they playfully tease back.You know? Just kinda like what you did? ^__^

But I REALISE RITE that anytime I SAY ANY DAMN thing it's a blasted problem for ppl!!!!Cus they can see and do whatever they feel like cus they feel they are above everyblastedbodyelse and could get way wid it.

And then ppl tell me I shouldn't let things bother me......

And ya know ya can't win? Cus if yah vent oh u letting it bother yah and yah being bitter...but if u decide look I gin just keep this to myself ya will hear yeah she couldn;t say nuttin after that ...with all the smugness one could muster.

*shrugs* but wait rite....this is my blog rite? So if I wish to vent about anything from work to my parents right back to how men make me sick then I can do that rite???

You are such a blasted waste of space. I am tempted to say karr yuh @$$ but you took care of that situation for yourself.

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Onto happier notes!!! ^__^ Mum finally met my roomie and seems impressed so things are cool for next week.
And Pops moved their Tv and VCR into my room so my nights are gonna be sleepless now :S. Wish me luck....I can see these bags getting bigger. :'(

Thursday, April 01, 2004

I notice something the other day...

The ppl that I know..as well as myself..use the word chica real often. Well that and girlie.....:S I dunno why but we do.

I really need to eat properly...cus coming into work at like 4 in the morning and not eating til like 9 is really not a good thing. This morning I felt like I was gonna pass out or something I was feeling so bad.

I'm in love with the voice of John Foreman. Don't know who he is? Go do some reasearch lol.
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So I been thinking about being a nuisance to people...and I've decided that I am not gonna be one.

Well maybe I am being unfair...there's a bud of mine that I invite to hang out sometimes yet they never come. Yet I know they go places and hang out with whoever and never actually ask me or anyone else we know. :S I once put it down to being busy or what have you buuuuuut maybe they just doan want me around. Which is a lil upsetting cus they're fairly cool. I ainno once again it could just me being paranoid and making it about me when really and truly I doan figure in the equation lol. But I mean if u invite someone to lime all de time so and they always got something to do wuh dah tell you?

Well ok then um doan mek sense asking them again now does it? *shrugs*
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