How to explain this....oh yeah I hate men today....inconsiderate pigs.

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Rite now that I got that off my chest.....Britney Spears is such a total skank!!

ok I'll be honest I like her new song Toxic...it doesn't sound entirely horrible..that took so much for me to say....lol.....

I dunno what happened to her and that one Christina....they have just totally gone out there...
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So the plan for this weekend is what...go to QC'S pageant and support BK and Steph.
Then on Sunday convince Laura, Kewwie and Drew to come see Last Samurai. Well actually Drew has committed to going and so did L but now gotta see if I can coerce Misery into coming. :P Might ask Greig along as well...if I do that means I gotta invite Corey and Trice as well...^___^ the more the merrier...

I WOULD invite George however being the movie buff that he is he probably has seen it already. ^__^ If you still wanna come tho we'd love to have you along.

Well here's hoping you all have a SUPER weekend!!

^__^ I had to start off wid a smile.

You see. Sometimes people want to judge from what they see and what they hear and yet they have NO clue as to what is the real gist of the situation.

And let's just remember that no two situations are ever the same.

Now see I had this friend I used to talk to. Nice guy friendly and all that stuff. However he was a bit too intense about certain things and I couldn't handle that. Secondly he wanted to be all up in my bizness which DID NOT suit me. But for the sake of being nice I still talked to him and stuff and things were going ok until one day he called my co worker and started questioning her about me. :|

Needless to say when I found out I was super ticked off. I mean he asked her all sorts of ridiculous questions. Who else has she heard me talking to? What have I told her about him? etc etc.

I am sorry but that is something I cannot stand. I know if I had called up one of his friends and questioned him that HE woulda popped a vein.

So I told him about it and he saw nothing wrong with what he did. So we stopped speaking for a long time.


LO and BEHOLD he calls me out of the blue this morning asking me why I treated him so badly. rite. If someone can't respect my privacy then I have no use for you. And to top it off HE STILL ain feel he do nuttin wrong.

And it just goes to show how powerful the mind it. In the previous blog I had talked about ppl with those arrogant dontcarish attitudes. And I thought about him cus that is one thing that had shocked me. I have NEVER had anyone do that to me before. And even though he came off as a bit too intense I still didn't see that coming....

I dunno if I am still being too harsh on him or what but....That to me was an invasion of my private life.

Some people never cease to amaze me with their I don't give a damn attitude. :S

You know that there are just some people out there who do what they like and don't really care what other people think? I am not saying that you should let your life be ruled by what other people think. BUT sometimes people can see you alot better than you see yourself and it couldn't hurt to take their advice. But when you're set in your ways...tsk tsk....

Another thing..I dislike arrogant people. Not people that think they are better than everyone else tho I dislike them too. lol. I dislike those people that have this strange belief that they are never wrong...and they go throught their daily lives doing and saying what they please without any regard for those people around them.

I just don't get it. And whyyyyyy I does always butt up on these people doh?? A truly arrogant person is one who can't look past their own actions to see the result it has on others.

Lord don't ever let me get like that...In fact when I wrong I say so and I apologize, heck sometimes when I am right I still apologize if only to get the person to shut up LOL. It may sound stupid to do that but when you want to avoid a potential blow up you would do most anything to save a friendship you think is worth saving, ^___^

I doan think I would ever be the type to just tell ppl to ...well.....I think you guys know what I mean cus I can't find any decent words with which to say it.

So I finished the first of the Joshua Harris book. This one is I Kissed Dating Goodbye.

Now this guy has some radical ideas but the thing is they can work. I ain gin talk much about it since Suffie still has to read it and it looks like Nao wants to read it too. But lemme tell you....you DO have to read this with an open mind....

Now what dear ole Josh has to say makes alot of sense once you put aside all that you're feeling and all you've experienced in your past...

Funnilly enuff the plan he followed was also my original plan. I was looking for a husband not a boyfriend. Yes I can see some of ur eyes opening up like "Mel what are you on about?"

But I always said that I was not gonna get romantically involved with anyone that I could not see a potential future in. And future meant marraige. I planned to date one guy..the one I was gonna married.
However....that plan went right down the tube. stupse.

But it's not too late to get back on the right track. I talked to my mother about it and she seemed really impressed with what he had to say and was all for me adopting the same principles. Yes even the one where it said you shouldn't even kiss until you're at the altar.

LoL. I can see your faces I can!!! Yea it sounds super extreme but you know I totally get what he's saying. A kiss leads to lots of emotions alot of feelings that you will feel compelled to satisfy. You're constantly wondering "well gee what next?"

By taking the higher road - ie not giving into temptation or the slightest physical temptation - you can save yourself alot of trouble.

Granted it will be hard but just think of the rewards. ^__^

Well since I have decided that this plan is definitely the way to go I don't see myself dating until I'm like 25 or so. There's lots more to do with that time than concentrate on a relationship. I suppose it will be hard but I just gotta stay focused.

There's tons more in the book besides that but you guys would have to read it to get the full effect. Just remember guys....an OPEN mind.

I am feeling super fustrated...this application thing is starting to drive me totally nuts. Who knew this was gonna be so tedious.:S

Giggz is trying to get me to like this guy....now you see I know he's a great guy and all that...I mean i can see all that really I can...but you can't make yourself feel something for someone. You just can't.

I've tried but I just don't like him like that. And I have given up trying to do that cus it's utterly pointless.

Yes spi I am reading the books :P

Pray that I get this thing done and soon..before I lose what's left of my mind.

I just had to call spidude to vent.God this is driving me up a freaking wall.

Maybe I am overreacting....but is it me or do all the guys I know are interested in my friends???

No lie!! You know how many fellas have come up to me to ask me about either Yohana, Kim or believe it or not Kerry??? :P

It's like a freakin pandemic!! Just today this friend msged me on msn asking so the receptionist at your workplace...what's the story there? A few weeks ago a fella came here to pick up some cd's that Zanz left here and when he got back to work he emailed me asking me about her.

And Kim well at school she just used to have men heads tie up. That was it.

Now ok right now you may be saying ok Mel ur being a little bit jealous here...well the truth is yes I am a bit...but you can't say that it's never happened to you too!! And you felt that way too!!

I mean yes I love these girls dearly and all that ish but what am I doing wrong?? I can't seem to find a single guy who is interested in me. :S. It's driving me pazzo.

Not that much to blog about lately. Besides filling out applications for colleges I am pretty much the same as the last time I blogged. Oh yeah I am applying to do broadcasting which most of you should already know. Majoring in Television Production.

Oh one good piece of news by the end of the month I should have a better working comp as one Garge lol has offered to fix her up for me. So thank you very much Sir. *salutes*

Oh yeah I have a semi - crush on cute sub guy who works at the well...obviously the sub station near work.

He's quite adorable and has a super smile. Very friendly and is always doing these little extra things to my food which is really amusing.....or not.....guess he knows now never to sprinkle black pepper on my sub ever again.

The only problem is that he is quite obviously gay so there is no way that could ever develop into anything LOL. Man but he too sweet doh. ^__^

Have started reading the Joshua Harris books that spi brought in for ahem lending purposes and......well....I'll keep my thoughts til I finish the book.....my goodness tho....

So today is Errol Barrow day and most ppl who care like suffie said will rememver him as a man who paved the way for most of us young folk to go to school basically free of cost...I say basically cus b ooks cost money you know. :P

Well rite now I am at work slaving away...no really I am. :$ lol But later today it's off to get my copy of ROTK from stinky old friend who want pushing in de wharf then from there off to Greig's house for a lime. Movies and a BBQ and good old fashioned liming.

Hope it's as fun as last time.

I gotta say that Greig's mum is super patient to put up with the lot of us in her house every bank holiday like that. Now there's a Mother.

And once again Thank you spidude for fixing the comments. I appreciate it. :)

The depression is back. I dunno what I am looking for ....and I just ain seem to be finding it.....


I can't stand this you know....every five minutes on high then on a low.....I dunno WHAT is wrong with me...

I either need to get help or get a life LOL.

I realise that ppl can come and share their probs with me and I am glad to help or listen...but with me...I clam up and can't tell them what is bothering me...I need to get out of that frame of my mind...

It's no fun blogging anymore when I can't see the reaction of you guys to my so called life. :(

I want my comments back!!! :'(

Well it appears that the site that hosts some bloggers' comments box is down. whoo...pee.

lol neways....

It's amazing how one's emotions can go from super high to super low. I mean one thing can get you really happy and other can really get you depressed. Just so weird....for years I been trying not to let myself get psyched up by lil things but I can't help it! It just happens. And as soon as I get happy something comes along to ruin the whole mood. Without fail. Either that or I read too much into thing...I blame Daddy for this.
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Thank God it's almost the weekend....I think it's the perfect opportunity for me time again.
Last weekend was good in fact. I'm not saying that I don't like hanging with my friends or anything..cus I do.

It's just that for the whole time Kim was here on vacation I was out with her and our other friends constantly. And that was for like a whole month. Usually on Saturdays since I have to get in for like 5 and get off at 10 I would go home get some rest then get up and do what I have to do around the house...But when she was here...it was leave work go to breakfast then head to town or the movies then wherever else the mad child felt like going. Not saying that I mind cus you know I love you Kimmy...but u get up at 12 on Saturdays!! :@


Point is lol I have had no me time in awhile so I going underground...well more so than you usually find me. ^__^

oh boy. So the big day came and went. And before anyone asks that answer is no I did nothing special. Wasn't really in the mood for it. ^__^ Still had me a good day. It was nice and quiet and it was ME time which is what I wanted so badly. My weekends are filled with hanging out with friends and work takes up the week. And in the evening it's about hanging with the kiddies. lol. So some me time was definitely in order.

No I don't feel any different for those who may ask...then again you guys oughta know seeing as how you're all older than I am...am I really the youngest blogger here? :S

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I am so ticked at myself. Yesterday it occurred to me why I never choose to study something like Human Resources and Management. I mean I enjoy dealing with people and I'm big on the whole helping to solve problems and keeping everyone talking to each other kinda thing. I mean I am sure there's more to the whole thing than that but that is just a basic thing of what it's all about? *blush*


That isn't what had me ticked....what had me ticked is that I thought of this the DAY BEFORE THE END OF UWI REGISTRATION!


Talk about lagging...why did this not occur to me say a week ago? Dunno what I gonna do now....I attributing this sudden change of heart to the fact that I was turning 20...and I guess that is a somewhat major thing....not sure how but it is....at least that is what my m other is telling me...


She's thrilled it seems about this sudden change in career choice....she would be.....I dunno...what y'all think? Cus rite now I am just most confused....I mean I had a plan and now my mind just wants to change from it.

Stupse. Would Y'all believe my stoopid phone line popped yesterday!! I can't even begin to tell you how utterly ticked off I am!! You know what is not having the phone for a night?!! Particularly when I wanted to go online?!!?!

On top of that the WORLD'S BIGGEST ZIT has decided it would be a fun thing to take up residence on my face TWO DAYS before the BIGGEST DAY OF THEM ALL!! yes I ranting for all of those with their eyes open. I vex as tail!! YYYYYYYY does this happen at the worst possible time?!! The thing has a life of it's own I swear!!

On top of that Cable and Wireless does not regard my popped line as a priority so I would have to wait awhile b4 I get it fixed? ammm NO!! And my father bite of my head cus you done know he blaming me for it being popped cus gee I use the phone soo much when I am passed out and asleep for the majority of the time I am home. :@.

But...thank god I got hold of a guy from church who works at C & W and he is gonna go fix it this morning. Just gotta remember to give him a call.
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humph..and they talk about us playing games.....

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where is my comments thingy!! :@:@

I cried today...

It wasn't like a bucketload of tears or anything...

Was just thinking about things and they just started dropping....out of nowhere!! lol

I don't think I am an overly emotional person...at least ppl don't know it...I tend to keep things inside alot and keep my ranting and raving and crying for my room. Up to know I doan think anyone has seen me cry.

At least I try not to...who needs to see me crying when they have their own issues ya know?

It's a stupid reason why I did it lol. I was just sorely disappointed over something a friend of mine did that I mean I thought they knew better than to do it. I mean this is someone I really opened up to and yet they did the same thing I told them I was pissed about it.


Chances are they don't even know that they are doing it..or they do and just doan care...

I dunno why...were they ever a friend....I mean friends can tell when ur upset or hurt over something rite?

I guess they just can't be bothered.

I doan think I am overreacting because this is how I feel and if they can't see that then I guess the friendship means nothing to them. *shrugs*

When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,
When you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on.
Don't let yourself go, everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes.

Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it's time to sing along.
When your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on)
If you feel like letting go, (hold on)
When you think you've had too much of this life, well hang on.

Everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends.
Everybody hurts. Don't throw your hand. Oh, no. Don't throw your hand.


yeah you guys doan need to respond to this I was just trying to put down how I felt even though to be honest I am not sure I know how I feel lol.

I need to change my password...it's beginning to bug me.

So I spent some quality time with Him last nite. And it was actually very good. I came out of it feeling just a lil bit better about things in my life and realising that there is always hope no matter what my mind tells me.

I've spent much of life being depressed and beating myself down and you know what? That has to change...it's time that I stop trying to become something I am not and just be me. And if ppl can't accept that....then tough.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that I don't give a damn what ppl say and I am gonna do whatever I want.....just that I'm gonna try harder not to let their words or actions...or even inaction...lol...affect the way I feel..or how my day goes....cus eventually I will explode.

And I don't want that.

As silly as they may sound to some of you...I've only lately begun to accept and love myself. I mean there were times I used to look in the mirror and just hate what I saw...

These days it's gotten a little easier to smile at that girl looking back at me.

She actually ain't half bad lol. ^__^

It's funny how superstitious ppl are.

I recall one night I was sweeping the kitchen (hey it was dusty ok?) and I started sweeping the stuff out the door. My mom went ballistic. "What do you think you're doing?!! Don't you know when you do that you sweep money out of the house?!!"

So I then launched into an argument with her about how silly she was being and there is no way such an old wive's tale could possible be true...

All de talk tho..I never sweep stuff out the house at night since then. And last night I told of Rasheeda (my eldest niece) when she did it. : $

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Men are such a complete and total waste of time. No really they are. No offense to the ones who read this but y'all got some serious issues hear? sort wunna selves out.

I done wid wunna tho. And I mean it this time.

NEWAYS!

The big 20 coming up and has me feeling very depressed. I haven't done any of the things I wanted to do by the time i reached this age. >_<

ok not so true. I did some of the things...I lost some weight and I got a job that pays me well but that's pretty much it! I haven't gone off to uni as I had hoped....there's more but to post it is just so lame that I gin leave it out....

sides Spidude tells me I post too much so Imma gonna have to keep my thoughts to a minimum.
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Been thinking of ways to improve this blogging thingy. It's about time I took some pics of me seeing as how I look alot different since I last took a pic....and maybe put one or two up so that the guys overseas can see how the contacts thingy is working out. Vanity is something else hear lol.

oh yeah and Giggz I am working on getting your link up. Doan mind you ain had mine up til I had to point it out to you. :|

I've decided I need to become more reserved.

Here's why.

I only noticed recently how overly enthusiastic I am about seeing people. My initial reaction is to hug them. Sometimes I don't even realise that I am doing until...I'm doing it lol. And you know it probably looks so weird like ok strange girl I just met and she's hugging me....I'm not talking about complete strangers here you know...it's hard to explain...let's just leave it at the fact that I need to stop hugging ppl.

On the issue of being reserved...sometimes I get these ideas which I think are highly amusing but never realise it may tick some ppl off. Essentially I guess that makes me very selfish but to be honest that was not the intention. Well you win some, you lose some.

The weekend was pretty ok I suppose...work.....came home and did the whole party thing with my niece. Then it was off to the Zanz lime which was actually pretty fun. The best part of the night for me anyway was when Chiefy showed us some rather interesting dances. 0_0.

I believe one of them was "Flush de toilet" which was followed by the "Watch it guh down"

lol ah yes and the dance with washing clothes. It was a had to be there moment tho. ^__^

Spent the entire day at church on Sunday...not sure what my Aunt was thinking...but that is not happening to me again. I like my Sunday afternoons to sleep not to sit around and mingle. humph. :@

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You need to be careful what you wish for. I was just here thinking how absolutely boring my life is and how I need some excitement in it. Then I remembered that a certain friend of mine has quite a bit of excitement in hers rite now and is probably regretting it. So I think I will stay happy with my boring state right now. lol.

On a happier note, I've decided to become more involved in church. Now I have a serious problem in that I can't sit still in sermons. I get super edgy. I mean ok if it's particularly exciting and it's one of those really quirky pastors who can make you laugh while scaring the pants off of you then I good to go. Otherwise I tend to nod off. : $.

I know bad girl. But it's been like that since I was a kid. I tried to break it I swear!

So yesterday in church I knew I was gonna do the same thing..so since I was taking care of my aunt's baby I said I would take her downstairs and play with her while I listened/watched the sermon on the closed circuit TV.

Up to now I still ain hear a word. :S But that wasn't my fault as they were tons of kiddies downstairs so I had to end up organising stuff for them to do. It was actually fun...only thing is I may have to do that every Sunday from now on....

Also my youth pastor keeps asking me to help her out with the Youth Ministry. My cousin Porchae used to head it up but now she is in England studying so they need a replacement. Lord knows I ain ready to do that...got so much stuff to clear up in my life before I do that....

It's an honor to be considered though. I just hope I don't disappoint anyone.

*mutters to self if this title thing is really necessary*

yet another day at work...this 6 day work week is beginning to take it's toll on me. can u say bags under my eyes?

so lately i been wondering why i can't find the right guy. I mean i am talking to someone rite now but that isn't serious perse...is it?....we just talk. What I want is a serious something. Then again...who knows maybe I am not ready for that.

It is so important who you associate yourself with. Was talking to raiser yesterday when he said to me that he was really surprised that I walked outta that situation without having gotten physical with them.

It appears their exploits are well known. Funny enuff he's not the only person to have told me so. Guy's own cousin doubted me when I told him that we never even went there. :|

Is it so hard to believe that I can control myself? Regardless of whatever skills or how much someone can sweettalk you I do believe it is entirely possible for you to say no and mean it. I mean come on is it REALLY that hard? maybe that's just me. *shrugs*

so my girl has returned home and hasn't even emailed me yet nor NUTTIN to lemme know she get home. She is soo banned. I bet you thought i was kidding when I told you I was trading you in for Samwise didn't you? Now there was a real best friend. :P

My dad surprised me yesterday by telling me he was proud of me. Needless to say I was very confused and kept waiting for the ball to drop...but that was basically it. I went inside the house feeling very concerned for his physical well being......

My 20th birthday is coming up on January 11th and the only thing I am excited about is this surprise gift my co worker Annie keeps going on about. I talked to our receptionist Yohana Banana lol who knows what it is but the little traitor won't tell me. I offered her money.....

I don't think I'll be doing anything for that seeing as how Christmas pretty much broke the bank for me lol.

Well rite now work calls so I am off to answer it.

Some idiot is outside pretending to be a ghost. I really am not amused. :@


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oh yeah and I'm not sure but I think spi isn't talking to me again. :S Has to do with a request this morning which i sent out only cus he said it woke him up last week. I was aiming to do the same thing again. *shrugs* sorry man. : (

Decisions, decisions...

well it's a New Year and everyone is on about making changes and becoming better etc etc....honestly i am just in that place where I couldn't care less.

Old Year's Night was extremely boring seeing as how i slept thru most of it. *shrugs* i was dead tired so whaddya expect. what had me in shock was my mother. she looks at me when i am getting ready to go to church with her and my nieces and asks " and just where do u think ur going?"

so i tell her well I am going with u guys. she eyes me up and down then goes and gets in the car. later on in the nite now she tells me she expected me to stay at home and get some rest seeing as how i was pretty exhausted and she can't understand why i chose to push myself to come to church. :|

now here's the thing. the times when i did decide to stay at home becus i was tired that woman ran me over. and now that i decide i gin try and mek it she still running me over with lectures of not killing myself...

there is no pleasing that woman. none.

that said New Year's day didn't turn out so bad.

woke up so late and was on cloud9. called up some ppl and chatted for a bit. had the shock of my life when he that never ever calls....well called. lol....um still doan count as a call cus he didn't get me and i sticking to that.

went to the airport to seem kimme off and no kerry i did not cry..as if. *rolls eyes*

saw a cute guy at the airport tho and me and the other kimme was gonna ask his name until we saw....the wedding band....

the good ones are all taken. lol.

left the airport then to get a txt that raiser was going to the movies (Paycheck) with some peeps and he asked if I wanted to come along. i hate being home so of course i went lol.
so met up with him and some of his ppl and guess who we saw....spidude! who ain speaking to me cus i ain tell he i was gine. :P as if he doan go and see movies without me all the time. i doan complain now do i? does Love Actually ring a bell lovey? :@ I can play that offended game too u know....that is if i got plans to walk home. LOL.

also saw bighead miss giggles *ducks froms shoe* who tried to push me down the stairs. i dunno what that was about.

all in all it was a good old year's spent with family and some new friends. how was urs?

oh btw Ash tell ur mum i say thanks soo much for the stuff and give Uncle Pete all my love. ^__^


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